I have a little bit of time to myself right now (Makena at school, Hailey and Tyler taking a nap and Kali watching a movie) that I thought I would do a little bit of a journal entry today.
People ask me all the time if we are done having kids. I always answer with "I don't know...we are still thinking." If you would have asked me yesterday, the answer would have been very different. It would have been, "HECK NO!" I think I would have done a permanent fix on Jarel by myself!
The day started good and then seemed to get worse as the day went on. I had a skills day thing at work and that took longer than I was expecting. I was stuck in traffic on the freeway and literally went from 1300 south to 3300 south in 30 minutes. I finally got the kids and got home and took Makena to school.
Then the trauma began. I think every button I had got pushed yesterday. Some days I feel that when I talk to my kids...I am talking to a wall. No response whatsoever, or they flat out ignore me and do the thing I am telling them not to do. They were fighting, and yelling at eachother and I was trying to change up things so they weren't getting bored, but with every attempt, the fighting continued.
It was raining all day and so we couldn't even go outside to play and get some of their energy out.
We were driving eachother crazy. I was even called the "worse mom" yesterday. Those words were hard to hear. I had finally had enough and so I had one child sitting on one couch, one on the other and one sitting by the fireplace and they couldn't leave until Jarel got home. They sat there for a good 20 minutes. And those 20 minutes was what I needed. It was quite, I could think and get dinner going.
I think back to the day without kids...I could watch whatever show I wanted, could eat my favorite treats and not have to share, could go grocery shopping without 6 little hands grabbing everything, could go to sleep when I want and sleep in until whatever time I decided it was time to get up and I could get a shower in as soon as I woke up.
Now days my TV shows consist of Curious George, and The Cat in the Hat. I get excited when I get a shower in BEFORE Jarel gets home, I start the day at about 6:30 in the morning and end the day when Hailey decides it is time to sleep. I spend less time in the grocery store, and I eat less calories thanks to my kids wanting my treats.
I look at some of my family and friends and think, "If I could be half the mom they are to their kids, I would be a great mom. They probably never yell at their kids."
But when the day is over and I say my prayers, my first thanks to my Heavenly Father is for my children and for being a mom! The joy they bring into my life sure out does the hard times. They truly are a blessing! I love them to pieces and am so thankful they are a part of me. I hope I show this to them everyday.
I woke up this morning with a whole different attitude. And I think a part of the reason why yesterday was a rough day is because I made it that way. I let the little things drive me crazy. Also, my house is crazy right now. I am still without a bedrooms (the people are suppose to be coming this Thursday to fix them) and my bedroom is the "storage room, kids room, and Jarel and my bed is somewhere in that room." It drives me crazy and it is so disorganized that yesterday it got to me. I want my rooms back, my house back to normal. I want the basement done and all our projects done with. But even with all that going one...my attitude today has changed and it is a better day.
So a huge thank you to all you mom's out there that inspire me to be a better mom to my kids. I am glad to be in this "noble calling" with you!
So...if you were to ask me today if I want my children... my answer would be "I am still thinking about it."
People ask me all the time if we are done having kids. I always answer with "I don't know...we are still thinking." If you would have asked me yesterday, the answer would have been very different. It would have been, "HECK NO!" I think I would have done a permanent fix on Jarel by myself!
The day started good and then seemed to get worse as the day went on. I had a skills day thing at work and that took longer than I was expecting. I was stuck in traffic on the freeway and literally went from 1300 south to 3300 south in 30 minutes. I finally got the kids and got home and took Makena to school.
Then the trauma began. I think every button I had got pushed yesterday. Some days I feel that when I talk to my kids...I am talking to a wall. No response whatsoever, or they flat out ignore me and do the thing I am telling them not to do. They were fighting, and yelling at eachother and I was trying to change up things so they weren't getting bored, but with every attempt, the fighting continued.
It was raining all day and so we couldn't even go outside to play and get some of their energy out.
We were driving eachother crazy. I was even called the "worse mom" yesterday. Those words were hard to hear. I had finally had enough and so I had one child sitting on one couch, one on the other and one sitting by the fireplace and they couldn't leave until Jarel got home. They sat there for a good 20 minutes. And those 20 minutes was what I needed. It was quite, I could think and get dinner going.
I think back to the day without kids...I could watch whatever show I wanted, could eat my favorite treats and not have to share, could go grocery shopping without 6 little hands grabbing everything, could go to sleep when I want and sleep in until whatever time I decided it was time to get up and I could get a shower in as soon as I woke up.
Now days my TV shows consist of Curious George, and The Cat in the Hat. I get excited when I get a shower in BEFORE Jarel gets home, I start the day at about 6:30 in the morning and end the day when Hailey decides it is time to sleep. I spend less time in the grocery store, and I eat less calories thanks to my kids wanting my treats.
I look at some of my family and friends and think, "If I could be half the mom they are to their kids, I would be a great mom. They probably never yell at their kids."
But when the day is over and I say my prayers, my first thanks to my Heavenly Father is for my children and for being a mom! The joy they bring into my life sure out does the hard times. They truly are a blessing! I love them to pieces and am so thankful they are a part of me. I hope I show this to them everyday.
I woke up this morning with a whole different attitude. And I think a part of the reason why yesterday was a rough day is because I made it that way. I let the little things drive me crazy. Also, my house is crazy right now. I am still without a bedrooms (the people are suppose to be coming this Thursday to fix them) and my bedroom is the "storage room, kids room, and Jarel and my bed is somewhere in that room." It drives me crazy and it is so disorganized that yesterday it got to me. I want my rooms back, my house back to normal. I want the basement done and all our projects done with. But even with all that going one...my attitude today has changed and it is a better day.
So a huge thank you to all you mom's out there that inspire me to be a better mom to my kids. I am glad to be in this "noble calling" with you!
So...if you were to ask me today if I want my children... my answer would be "I am still thinking about it."
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